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vEiTbOi
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Name: matthew/viet
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: San Jose
Gender: Male
Interests: art, sleep, food, ddr, anime, swimming, sports, vlyt(woot woot)!
Expertise: eating an being me
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/30/2003
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| It's 1AM in the morning.
So if you know anything about me, you would know that I enjoy reminiscing about the past. The past tends to be where the best of moments lies because it is always with hindsight do I realize how special that moment to me. Sooo I like to live a bit in the past.
And that is why I am currently on this Xanga.
I barely touch this thing anymore (but who really does) but I think it's definitely nice to read the variety of blogs that I wrote in the past. I think it shows what was and still is important in your life. I look at my list of friends and the mass majority all come from the same group and it is clearly reflective in my blogs. It's nice to know that I still feel the same way about that group.
Now that I'm done reminiscing, I think it's time to talk about something that isn't from 2005.
I am currently in college and somewhat enjoying it. I, like most, enjoy the independence and the endless amount of freedom. My roommate is a bit scary but that's okay. He's a genuine guy and he get along swimmingly. I do get into my moods where I feel like just hiding in a corner though. I think I've been extremely blessed by God thus far in life to have the best of friends. My friends here just have not compared to the friends in San Jose. It's hard when you don't naturally click with the majority of the people you live in. They are great people though and I enjoy their company.
Even though I am in college, I still have this constant fear of not being able to achieve what I set out to do. I'm taking all the right classes, doing all the right things yet there is still something nagging at me saying that I'm forgetting to do something. I'm mortified every time I take the time to think about my future because in all honesty, I never see one for myself.
I do miss San Jose and everything in it. I still consider that city to be my home and I don't believe that will ever change. Everything I love is in San Jose or came from San Jose. I don't take for granted the time I get when I'm back in the city. I go to Van Nghe and hang out with friends as many times as I can. It's just a secure feeling that you don't have to put up this front with people because they genuinely love you for who they are. I've been considering some time to go back to San Jose although I don't know if that will be the best thing. I like Monterey. I really do. But it's just not the same. I've gotten accustomed to everything and it is enjoyable but it's still missing something that makes me want to stay here. Plus, I've decided to change my major from Social and Behavioral Sciences to Veterinarian. I think I've always known that I wanted to be a science major but with my past experiences with the two most prominent courses (Math and Science) completely sucking, it scares me to no end that I will fail miserably. So I do plan to transfer out of this school and into UC Davis eventually and I do hope I can get in. I think I will have a better chance of getting this time around. I've done a lot of growing up I think within the last year and I can take on this challenge once again. I figured that I was just being lazy by picking Sociology because I didn't want to commit to all the math and calculations. Plus, the pay is way better. Money can't buy happiness but it is definitely a buffer from all the other depressing crap in the world. Have you seen our economy?
Song of the moment: My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson and Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls. I don't care what you say. I like Kelly and I am not completely ashamed to say it. I think she's one of the most talented and genuine people in a business that's known to change people for turning even the most bubbly person into a jaded and cold individual.
I am extremely unhappy with my image at the moment. I think I look hideous and disgusting. I'm not cutting myself over this epiphany or anything of that sort but it does depress me. It's hard to imagine how I let myself get into this state of being but I did and now I have to do something to fix it. Yes, everyone tells me I should just be happy with myself. To me, that's just settling for mediocrity and lord knows I do that too often as it is. There's no way I'm going to sit around when I know I can look better, when I know I have looked better. I think before college, I had a solid routine down and after taking a break from it, it just threw me off completely. I hope that I can keep my New Years Resolution this year. I really do want to make a difference with my self-image.
My brother is heading off to the Peace Corps this year and I am incredibly proud and honored to call him my brother. I know in the past we have had our petty arguments and such but all in all he's done a good job (sometimes too annoyingly good) of a job looking out after me and I am deeply grateful for that. He's done some amazing things in the past few years and I know he'll show the dedication he has shown here to whatever country he's set out to help and they will see a difference. I'll definitely miss him while he's gone and I hope nothing but the best for him.
I think I can appreciate the company of my high school friends so much more after I graduate. Yes, all I did was bitch and moan throughout high school and only wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as I could but I look back, like everyone said, and I do miss it. I'm glad I took full advantage of my senior year and it was truly a great year for me. Here in college, people feel like they can only have fun if they have weed or alcohol and I am glad my friends from high school never felt the need to be intoxicated to have fun. I pity those who need a crutch to have a good time.
I got an email today about how the school district wants to close down all the JROTC programs. The last two years of high school, while I was basically on hiatus with Van Nghe, was filled with ROTC. It definitely changed who I am and it's brought me some of the best friends I've ever had or will ever know. It's sickening to me that one reason that they are considering closing this program is because they believe it is a recruiting center. It's even more mind boggling that these are coming from educators. Of all people, it still surprises me that educators are the ones who exhibit such bigotry and biases towards a program they hardly know. ROTC, for me, was helping buildinng who you are and how to get where you want to go. It also allowed my natural leadership skills to finally surface. I owe so much to that program that I can't help but feel emotionally moved by the fact that they want to close it down. If they want to save money by cutting he ROTC programs because of all the budget cuts, then fine. Cut it out. But I hope they do know that it will only marginally reduce the prices. They are robbing schools of a program that promotes leadership, discipline and teamwork. Had they taken the proper time to evaluate what the program really is about, then they would have second thoughts about closing it. Fuck you, school boards. You may have the power and the respect solely from your position but your ignorance gains no respect for me.
I am still attending Van Nghe when I can. I love that group way too much to really give it up. I think Van Nghe and ROTC are the two groups that have really shaped me into what I am. I'm definitely excited to get the chance to drum again. I miss performing and it's definitely a good, positive release.
I still think you're a tool though and that opinion won't change anytime soon. Your ego is too big for your own good and you're cattier than a PMS-ing woman. I deal because I have to. Had I given you a valid reason to not like me, then I would understand that. But you seem to have this uncalled bias against me and I will never fully understand it. Until then, have a life.
It's been a while since I've blogged so I have a lot to say. I would be surprised you if you managed to read through this entire thing. I would be even more surprised if you're reading this. No one really uses Xanga anymore. I guess that's kind of nice. I can write without too much judgment.
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| I really get scared everytime I think about what I'm going to do with my life. People tell me to take it one day at a time and just do what you like. I'm so confused about college and all that crap...it's just so fustrating to not have it easy because you know you've fucked up. I don't have a good GPA and I haven't done all I can to set myself apart from anyone else. In fact, college right now isn't even sound all that great to me. I absolutely despise school. Maybe college will be different, but until someone can convince me otherwise, it's treating me like utter crap. I don't know how others handle with the stress of it. It's like the education system decided to just pile a bunch of crap for us this year with all the extra things we have to worry about. I read this somewhere, I forgot where, but it really made me wonder. Somewhere between Kindergarten and your current grade, you lost your motivation for school. I mean, when you first enter kindergarten, most ( I think) were so eager to learn and then somewhere along the way most of us develop this sense of hate for it. It's not so much the learning that I hate...I LOVE to learn, but all the extra things we have to do just wears me out. It's just very discouraging when the harder you try to accomplish something only to fail at the end of it and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to hear my mom bitch at my because I'm not doing well in Calculus. I'm sick of doing crap that's never going to be useful to me in about 3 years. I'm sick of doing shit to impress people who I already hate. I know I have to go to college but part of me just wants to quit because I don't know if I cant take another how many ever years of school. It's just not me. I might do well, but I despise waking up every morning to go to a place that I can't stand. It's not like I'm going to drop out of school. I'm not a complete idiot. I know education is pretty much the key to the future or what not. But to put all this pressure on us students to succeed? It's very overwhelming. Our junior class is the worst academic class is school history and I can understand why. We are unmotivated. We don't want to do all that crap. It sucks just a little to be caught in the middle of this transition in the education process. So many things are changing so we can be more competitive and it shows with our grades. And as if school hasn't been raping me on a daily basis, I have to go home everyday and wonder what the hell I'm going to do with my life. It sucks
I'm even considering joining the armed services, something I wouldn't have considered at all a week ago.
Whoever said to me "You have time. You're just a freshmen" two years ago is wrong. Time goes by fast and if you don't pay attention, it'll smack you across the face and give you one hell of a reality check.
-EDIT-
Swimming
It makes me sad that I can't swim this year. I know I bitch and complain about how crappy it is to go to parctice but regardless I show up becuase I LOVE to swim. NOt being able to swim is one less form of excercise and stress reliever. I love the water and it makes me sad that I can't play in it =( No swimming makes me a sad matthew
VLYT
Well, it had to happen. I'm taking a break from Van Nghe so I can concentrate on other aspects in my life. I love van nghe and the people there to death but it's too time consuming and I want to devote my time to other stuff in my life that I think deserve that attention. I'll be back though. Can't leave the family =]
Relationships
Crap. Don't even bother asking
ROTC
Something new this year. I've decided to be more involved in it just because it was worth my time if I was going to be in the program for the rest of high school. So far it has been worth it even though there have been bumps here and there. Just stay positive and have fun.
Friends
I have some of the best friends and I have to give them credit for putting some of the crap I give them. I usually don't like drawing attention to myself when I'm pissed or anything but it usually happens. I just want to thank for those who were there for me and keep me in control. Again, thanks you to all =D
Family
It's been cool. They know what's best for me even if I absolutely hate the idea. Everyone should have a good relationsh (if possible) with your family. Most of the time what they do or what they have to say is in your best interest.
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| There's something about rain that really calms me down. I don't know, maybe that's why I love swimmign so much. It 's really relaxing...Just a thought since I was sitting out in the rain for about an hour .
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